Drama - Year A - Pentecost 04 (Proper 07)

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Drama - Year A - Pentecost 04 (Proper 07)

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DRAMA — 4TH SUNDAY AFTER PENTECOST, YEAR A

Proper 7, 1999     Bible reference:  Romans 6:1–11 (esp. verse 4)

 

BAP

 

CHARACTERS: Two nurses, three doctors, patient (who should be as light as possible), plus two non-speaking stretcher-bearers.

 

PROPS:

Table, stretcher, sheet, assorted ‘surgical’ looking instruments and tools on a tray (including pair of gloves, dirty kitchen sponge, small knife and very large knife), bin with needle in        packaging (or first-aid packaging that looks like it could have a needle in it), sledge-hammer, three white coats, two nurses’ outfits.

 

(A table is stage centre, there is a tray of ‘surgical’ tools, a bin and a sledge-hammer ready off stage nearby)

 

NURSE 1:

(Runs in from back of building) Emergency! Emergency!

 

DOCTOR:

(Stands up from front seat) What is it? What? What? (Runs back to meet nurse in the middle of the aisle)

 

NURSE 1:

We found him twitching in the morgue! Judging by the symptoms, I think it’s another case of BAP! (Stretcher-bearers enter with stretcher and rush patient up the aisle. Patient is covered with a sheet. Nurse 2 follows stretcher)

 

DOCTOR:

What! We can’t have another patient coming back to life! (Doctor and nurse 1 race ahead        of stretcher to table. Stretcher is placed on table. Nurse 1 and 2 get ‘surgical’ tray and bin. Doctor looks under sheet and addresses stretcher-bearers) You had better send for Dr Screw, oh, and get someone to page Dr Tape. This looks serious. I’m afraid he’ll have to        miss that dinner at the Training College. (Stretcher-bearers nod and leave down aisle)

 

NURSE 1:

(Grabbing instrument and doing something under sheet) Connecting the abominator,        doctor.

 

DOCTOR:

And the pulse?

 

NURSE 2:

(Taking pulse) Weak, but getting stronger.

 

NURSE 1:

Abominator reading is...zero!

 

(Screw comes rushing in)

 

DOCTOR:

Looks like another tough one, Screw.

 

SCREW:

(Nurse 2 tries to offer him gloves, he is horrified) Nurse!

 

NURSE 2:

(Looks embarrassed) Whoops, sorry. (Puts gloves in bin)

 

SCREW:

Another BAP?

 

DOCTOR:

Yes, another drowning, they seem to be happening every day...

 

NURSE 1:

(Looking under sheet) Doctor! Doctor! Look at his eyes...I think they might open!

 

DOCTOR:

Right, nurse, bring me the needles. (Nurse 1 pulls package of needles out of bin)

 

SCREW:

Preparing a vein. Nurse, a swab please. (Nurse hands him very dirty kitchen sponge)

 

DOCTOR:

(Taking needle package from nurse 1) What is this, nurse? This is still in its sterile packaging!

 

NURSE 2:

We’ve been so busy lately that we’ve had to fall back on clean ones.

 

DOCTOR:

(Throwing away the needles) We’ll just have to operate.

 

SCREW:

(Looking worried) You don’t mean a ‘Tempt’otomy?

 

DOCTOR:

I wish Tape was here!

 

SCREW:

But I haven’t done one of those since college...

 

NURSE 2:

(Holding up sheet for doctor) Patient ready, doctor.

 

DOCTOR:

Knife.

 

NURSE 1:

(Hands doctor a small kitchen knife) Knife.

 

DOCTOR:

No, that’s not going to do it! Fire and damnation, this is a ‘Tempt’otomy, nurse!

 

NURSE 1:

(Hands doctor a very large knife) Knife!

 

SCREW:

(Admiringly) Now, that’s a knife! (As doctor moves to make a cut, patient moves audience-side arm out from under sheet)

 

NURSE 2:

(Dropping sheet) His arm moved!

 

DOCTOR:

Abort operation.

 

SCREW:

(Despairingly) It’s too late even for the ‘Possess’sedator.

 

DOCTOR:

We’re going to concuss. (All breathe in audibly and look at him) Nurse! (Nurse 1 gets the sledge-hammer and gives it to him)

 

SCREW:

(Grabbing patient’s head) Preparing the head. (Nurse 2 holds down feet. Patient is moving slowly at this stage)

 

DOCTOR:

(Raising sledge-hammer above his head) Concussing the patient...(Suddenly the patient sits up)

 

PATIENT:

Hey! I’m alive, you rotten devils! (Jumps off table) Leave me alone! (Patient walks out and staff stand there in silence, flabbergasted)

 

NURSE 1:

(Hesitantly) Should I go after him?

 

DOCTOR:

(Defeated) No, no, what’s the point...(Nurses clean up while doctors move to front of table. Nurses exit as unobtrusively as possible when they’re done)

 

SCREW:

That’s the seventh BAP we’ve had this week.

 

DOCTOR:

And they all end the same. It’s very disconcerting, and it won’t look good for us with...the supervisor. (Tape rushes with serviette attached to front of shirt, still eating eg chicken leg)

 

TAPE:

(Urgently) Use the sodium...

 

SCREW:

(Interrupting) It’s too late, we lost him. He walked out of here full of life.

 

DOCTOR:

We didn’t have a chance...

 

TAPE:

Damn!

 

DOCTOR:

(Longingly) If only.

 

SCREW:

How was the dinner?

 

TAPE:

Bad, the working committee presented its paper. Do you know that thousands of people come back to life each year, and that’s only in our district!

 

DOCTOR:

(To himself) It’s very disheartening...

 

SCREW:

And they’re all BAPs?

 

TAPE:

Yes, all drownings, we just don’t know how to combat them.

 

DOCTOR:

(Shaking his head, still talking to himself) I’m sure I saw that patient come in dying yesterday...

 

SCREW:

(Taking Tape aside) It’s getting to him, the poor chap. (Screw and Tape each take one of the doctor’s arms)

 

TAPE:

What you need is a little holiday.

 

SCREW:

Take your mind off things.

 

DOCTOR:

So long as it’s nowhere near water! (Screw and Tape start to lead him out)

 

SCREW:

Oh, I think we can guarantee that! (All exit together)

 

(Optional: If you feel your audience may not realise that the doctors are devil figures, they could wear ‘devil’ horns under surgical caps (or similar). The horns could be revealed at the end of the play before they exit)

 

 

© Tamson Pietsch 1998

 

Permission is given for the owner of this disk to make sufficient copies of this script for their group or congregation, for rehearsal and performance purposes only.