CHILD:

Grandpa, could you please tell me that story again?

GRANDPA:

Which one, child? I’ve told you so many!

CHILD:

You know, my favourite, the one about the little boy who hated fish…

GRANDPA:

Huh? I’m not sure if I know the one you mean…I don’t know any stories about boys who hate fish. Did you mean the one about the boys who hated their little brother?

CHILD:

Nooo, not that one! The one about the boy who didn’t like his fish so he gave them away.

GRANDPA:

Oh, you mean the tale about the day the boy gave his lunch away to help feed a huge crowd of people?

CHILD:

Yeah…I thought it was because he didn’t like what his mum had packed for him?

GRANDPA:

(Chuckling)  On the contrary! He just...well, let me tell you again, from the start. As it happens, I was there that day, though I…

GRANDMA:

(Interrupting, but still offstage)  Reuben! Reuben! Can you hear me? Did you get the fish order? I told the market you’d pick it up two hours ago...Reuben?

GRANDPA:

Yes, dear. I put them on the bench.

GRANDMA:

(Urgently) Reuben! Reuben, did you hear me? Have you picked up the fish yet??

GRANDPA:

(Raises his voice) Yes!!  They’re on the bench.

GRANDMA:

(Amid clanging noises) I know they’ve got a stench...but they should have been picked up two hours...

GRANDPA:

(Loudly) If you stopped working for a second, you’d hear me!  The fish are on the bench, the bench!

GRANDMA:

(Coming on stage)  Honestly, I told you to pick up the fish already three times…

CHILD:

Grandma, the fish are on the bench!

GRANDMA:

Oh! Oh, well why didn’t you say so? (Grandpa rolls eyes) Best I go and start preparing them. (As she goes to leave) Reuben, I just don’t know how I’m going to get everything ready by the time the visitors arrive, I haven’t even got the last batch of bread in the oven yet…now, are you sure you’ve drawn plenty of water to last the evening? Anyway, can’t stand here talking and wasting my time… (Exits)

GRANDPA:

(Long-suffering) Yes, dear. (To child) Now, where were we??

CHILD:

Have you drawn enough water, Grandpa?

GRANDPA:

Mmm, maybe not, but I’ll get to it in a minute. Oh yes, that’s right, the story!

CHILD:

You said that you were there when it happened…

GRANDPA:

Yes, I was only a little tacker, though, but I remember it well. Mainly because I was getting a bit bored, and being told off for mucking around with my cousins while my parents were trying to listen to the great man speak. It’d been a long day, and we were all getting tired and hungry.

CHILD:

Why didn’t you go and get something to eat, then?

GRANDPA:

Well, if I remember rightly, we were a long way from any villages, in quite a remote area….

CHILD:

Why?

GRANDPA:

I think my parents and aunties and uncles had heard that the teacher was there, along with a lot of others, and just decided to follow the crowd and see if they could see him. We walked for ages and ages, and hadn’t made any plans for a meal beforehand. Funny thing, because my mother was usually so organised...

CHILD:

A lot like Grandma, eh?

GRANDMA:

(Off stage)  I can’t believe it!  Oh dear, what should I do now? (Enters) I said twenty-one pieces of fish, and they give us twenty, the scoundrels! Bet they didn’t think I would check properly. What am I going to do? You’ll have to run back to the markets…

CHILD

We could divide them up between us.

GRANDMA:

No, it won’t do. This is a special occasion, and...and, well, it just won’t do! Reuben, when        you’ve finished gathering the olives, you’ll have to go back.

GRANDPA:

(Sighs)  Of course, dear, we can’t have cousin Benjamin missing out on his quota, I’ll...I mean, you’ll, never hear the end of it…

GRANDMA:

I can’t believe it, everything’s going wrong!  Why did I even bother to make an occasion of this…

CHILD

Because it’s a special day. Grandma, don’t worry, the meal will be great!  I can’t wait.

GRANDMA:

(Leaving)  Goodness me, there probably won’t be enough food, anyway….

GRANDPA:

I’m sure there will, dear. Now, where was I?

CHILD

You were hungry.

GRANDPA:

That’s right!  Well, my cousin and I had managed to sneak our way up to the very front, even though some of his disciples kept trying to shoo us away. They seemed to be getting a bit nervous about the whole situation, and were trying to talk to Jesus about it.

CHILD:

Was he worried about it?

GRANDPA:

He never looked worried, child. But eventually, when evening started to set in, and the crowd was still there, the disciples started to really panic.

GRANDMA:

(Panicking off stage, loudly) What are we going to do now? I tell you I knew this would happen, they do it every time! What to do, what to do...(Enters)

GRANDPA:

What now, Esther??

GRANDMA:

Can you believe that Rachel has just sent a message to say that they are coming after all? A bit late now, I have the meal all planned…

CHILD

(Trying to be helpful) Don’t panic, Grandma, it will be OK.

GRANDPA:

(Also trying to help) Why don’t you just go and have a relaxing hot drink, and then...

GRANDMA:

Men! You have no idea! For goodness’ sake, I’ve got so much to do yet. Now, let me know when you’ve picked the rosemary, and I’ll give you another job to do. (Starts to exit)And for goodness’ sake, pick enough. You never pick enough! (Exits)

GRANDPA:

So, the disciples were panicking, and then I noticed a little boy, not much older than me, go up to them and offer them his food.  He had five loaves of bread, and two fish.

CHILD:

That was kind of him.

GRANDPA:

Actually, I thought it was a bit stupid, because I was so hungry and thought he should have just eaten them himself. The disciples thought so too, and nearly didn’t take the offer. That’s when Jesus took over.

CHILD:

Yes!  I remember the end of the story now…He prayed, didn’t he? And then the disciples gave the loaves and fishes out to the crowd. Everyone got to eat as much as they wanted, and they even picked up heaps of leftovers!

GRANDPA:

That’s right. It was amazing, and I’ve got to say, it was the best meal I’ve ever had — but don’t tell your grandma…

CHILD:

How many people were in the crowd?

GRANDPA:

My parents reckoned there were around five thousand.

CHILD:

Wow!

GRANDMA:

(Entering)  Can you believe it?  You wouldn’t read about it.  I clean forgot that James had asked to bring a friend with him tonight…that will take it up to twenty-five! Oh dear, I can’t believe I’ve miscalculated the numbers, and now I simply won’t have enough food to go around! Reuben, go and pick some more tomatoes, if there’s any left on the vines. Probably not, oh dear, what ever am I going to do? (Exits still muttering)

GRANDPA:

(Getting up reluctantly) Guess I’d better go and help your grandmother, child..

CHILD

Not being disrespectful, Grandpa, but it sounds like she needs Jesus ! (They exit,Grandpa bemused)