ANGEL  2:

(Entering with mug, sits down) Hi! How’s your day been?

ANGEL 1:

Well, you know the ‘Praise Department’, quiet six days a week, and then on Sundays the        switchboard lights up, and we’re rushed off our feet!

ANGEL 2:

At least in ’Confessions’ the workload is pretty constant.

ANGEL 2:

Wow, you look stuffed!

ANGEL 3:

(Sitting) I’m bushed! Our ‘Complaints’ section in ‘Human Relations’ has been taking calls        non-stop since He announced the new system.

ANGEL 1:

New system?

ANGEL 3:

You know, the ‘new commandments’.

ANGEL 2:

Oh yes, I heard we were downsizing. (To angel 1) That should make training a lot easier.

ANGEL 3:

It seems people are having trouble with quantity.

ANGEL 1:

He’s taken them from ten to two, what’s the problem?

ANGEL 3:

Not that sort of quantity. There’s no problem with the first, ‘Love God with all your heart’.

ANGEL 2:

Hmmph! Humans! Everything has to be black or white, full or empty, right or wrong, all or nothing.

ANGEL 3:

Exactly, but when He says, ‘You must love your neighbour as much as you love yourself’, there are complaints.

ANGEL 1:

(Puzzled) I still don’t understand.

ANGEL 3:

They want to know how they can measure how much they love themselves...

ANGEL 2:

Why do they want to know that?

ANGEL 3:

Then they can determine how much they must love their neighbours.

ANGEL 1:

(Getting it) Oh, I see!

ANGEL 3:

It’s got so bad I sent a May Day message to ‘Research and Design’ this morning, to see if they could come up with anything...

ANGEL 1:

We were just talking about you.

ANGEL 4:

Hello, everyone. (To angel 3) Well, you certainly stirred things up in our department this morning.

ANGEL 3:

Sorry, I know you usually take Sundays off...but I’ve been at my wits’ end!

ANGEL 4:

Yes, well, we’ve been working solidly all day. The prototypes are literally flying around the laboratory.

ANGEL 2:

What have you got so far?

ANGEL 4:

(Dying to show them) I’m glad you asked! I just happen to have a few with me. (Empties bag/box onto table. Other angels pick up items and study them)

ANGEL 1:

(Picking up ‘multimeter’) How does this one work?

ANGEL 4:

The human holds the black electrode in one hand, and the red in the other. Turn the dial for the appropriate scale, and the needle gives the number of Love Units.

ANGEL 2:

(With measuring tape) Let me guess, the love units are marked along here, and the humans have to wrap it around their heart?

ANGEL 4:

Something like that, but it needs calibrating for each individual.

ANGEL 3:

(Holding a really odd-looking instrument) These contraptions are all very interesting.

ANGEL 4:

Yes, we’ve had some excellent results under test conditions.

ANGEL 1:

But will they work in the field?

ANGEL 3:

That’s right. It’s all very well testing on cherubs, but under atmospheric conditions, everything goes wrong.

ANGEL 2:

Tell me about it! Everything works fine up here, but as soon as you send it down to them, they find some way of screwing it up.

ANGEL 1:

Sometimes it makes me wonder why the Boss even bothers with them. (All angels shrug shoulders, agree etc)

ANGEL 4:

(Gathering up measuring things) Beats me. Anyway, I’ve got to get back. See you later. (Exits, other angels exit too saying things like ‘Yes, I must be going too’ and  ‘Is that the time already?’)