PROPS:

Balloons hanging from somewhere high in the stage area, a good sturdy ladder with a piece of wire attached to the top (or something else) for Stuck’s clothes to get caught on.

STUCK:

(Shouting) Help! Help! I’m stuck! Help! (etc)

PANIC:

(Forgets to hold ladder and runs around shouting) Help! Help!  Help! (etc)

SC:

(Enters ‘Da, da, da, da’ ing Superman theme music, trips at least once, stops near action and strikes Superman pose. Stuck and Panic stop shouting) Ah! A person in distress.

PANIC:

(Looking SC up and down) Who are you?

SC:

I’m Super Christian! (To Stuck) And I’m here to rescue you.

STUCK:

(Looks closely at SC, then screams) Help! Help! Help!

PANIC:

(Joins in, runs around panicking) Help! Help! Help!

SC:

(To audience) Why do they always act like this? (Grabs Panic) Don’t panic! (Goes to shake Panic, accidentally steps on Panic’s foot)

PANIC:

Ow!

SC:

Sorry! (Looks down and headbutts Panic’s chest)

PANIC:

Ooooh!

SC:

Sorry! (On way up connects with Panic’s chin, knocking him/her over)

PANIC:

Aarrgh!

SC:

Sorry! (Offers to help Panic get up and accidentally steps on his/her hand) Sorry!

PANIC:

Ouch! (Gingerly gets himself/herself up)

SC:

Better now?

PANIC:

(Backs away from SC, rubbing sore spots) Yes, thank you.

SC:

(To Stuck) There’s nothing to worry about. With God’s power I’ll fix everything. (Bumps ladder) Well, what seems to be the problem?

STUCK:

I’m Stuck!

SC:

Well, we can’t all have good names like Super Christian!

STUCK:

No, I’m not called Stuck, I am stuck! (Indicates where)

SC:

Yes, of course. But how did you get stuck?

STUCK:

I was hanging up these balloons and...

PANIC:

No, you weren’t, you were taking them!

STUCK:

Was not!

PANIC:

Were too!

STUCK:

Was not!

PANIC:

Were too!

STUCK:

Well, you were helping me!

PANIC:

Was not!

STUCK:

Were too!

PANIC:

Was not!

STUCK:

Were too!

SC:

(Interrupting) Stop it! This isn’t going to help get him/her down!

PANIC:

Well, then, why don’t you just  get up there and rescue him/her?

SC:

(Looks horrified) I can’t go up there, it’s so high!

PANIC:

Don’t tell me you’re afraid of heights?

SC:

I might fall!

PANIC:

You said you’d fix everything.

SC:

Couldn’t I just shout instructions?

STUCK:

(Weakly) Help!

PANIC:

How on earth did you get to be Super Christian?

S. C.:

(Proudly) God called me.

PANIC:

What! I suppose a voice boomed out of the clouds saying (Cups hands round mouth) ‘You will be Super Christian’.

SC:

Well, not quite. But he’s called everyone to serve him, and he wants me to help people. (Strikes pose) I help the helpless, defend the defenceless, comfort the uncomfortable, give hope to the hopeless, impress the unimpressed...

PANIC:

(Interrupting) And did God tell you to wear your underpants on the outside?

SC:

No, that was my own idea. Good, isn’t it?

STUCK:

Look, isn’t anyone going to help me?

SC:

Oh, sorry! (Goes to ladder, trips, nearly knocks it over) Can you still feel your toes?

PANIC:

(Grabs SC and pulls him back) Hang on, let me get this straight. You’re clumsy (SC nods), afraid of heights (SC nods), and have terrible dress sense (SC is insulted), and God called you to be a Super Christian?

SC:

Yes, God can use anyone. It’s his power that makes me strong and makes me the amazing superhero that I am!

STUCK:

Sorry to interrupt, but heeeeelp!

SC:

Oh, (Trips) how are you?

STUCK:

There are black spots in front of my eyes.

SC:

(Holds up three fingers) How many fingers am I holding up?

STUCK:

(Peering) Er...three?

SC:

Oh, you’ll be all right. Now let me see...hmmm... (Examines ladder and        Stuck) Ah! This is the problem...you’re caught here. Now if I just do        this...and this...(Frees Stuck) There you go!

STUCK:

I’m free! Thank you, Super Christian! (Gets down off ladder with SC’s help)

SC:

(Modestly) Oh, it was nothing.

PANIC:

You’re right, it was nothing! I could’ve done that!

STUCK:

Then why didn’t you?

PANIC:

I hadn’t had  time to...

STUCK:

That’s because you were running around and shouting ‘Help’ and being useless as usual! (Shouts the following lines simultaneously with Panic’s next lines) And you’d still be doing it if Super Christian hadn’t stopped you. You never said one kind or encouraging word. Super Christian’s been so thoughtful. I don’t remember you rescuing me!

PANIC:

(Shouts simultaneously with Stuck’s last lines) I wanted to help you. You can see he’s/she’s nothing special. He/she wears his/her underpants on the outside. He’s/she’s afraid of heights. He/she nearly knocked the ladder over, and he/she nearly killed me!

SC:

(Breaking it up) Please, please, it’s all over now. We should be happy and celebrate.

STUCK:

Sorry, Super Christian, you’ve been wonderful.

SC:

(Helping Stuck off with the occasional trip) I think you could do with a nice hot drink and a lie down.

PANIC:

(Thoughtfully watching them go) You know...maybe he/she did help! (Collects        ladder and exits after them)