DRAMA - PROPER 13, YEAR B
Bible reference: Ephesians 4:11-13
GIFTS ANONYMOUS!
CHARACTERS:
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Leader, Bill/Jill, cast of at least 6.
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PROPS:
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Everyone to wear plain, dull clothing. Coats, bags, note pads and pens etc. A small table or desk. Chairs for each participant. Microphones for the Leader and Bill/Jill if desired. A brief case and note pad for the Leader. A large white sign with the words of the ‘oath’ printed in large letters. Bill/Jill will need a large handkerchief or tissues.
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The cast is seated on chairs facing a small desk or table. All are dressed down in non-descript clothing. They all look plain. There is general chattering, as you would find at the start of any meeting. The Leader is seated behind the small desk writing some notes. There is a large white sign hanging above the desk on which is written, in black, the 'oath' which is recited.
LEADER:
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(Stands) I welcome you all to our meeting today. Before we start, let’s just stand and recite our oath.
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CAST:
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(All stand and read the sign with right hands across their hearts) Cause me not the inconvenience of being gifted, so that I may forever live in comfortable mediocrity! (Cast sits again)
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LEADER:
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(Sitting) Right! Good! (Looks about the group expectantly) Have we any newcomers to Gifts Anonymous today?
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BILL/JILL:
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(Puts a hand up but does not stand. If desired, a microphone can be passed through the crowd to Bill/Jill after he/she says this line) Ah! Here! I'm new here.
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LEADER:
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(Welcoming) Please, tell us your story.
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BILL/JILL:
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(Shyly, and uncertainly stands) My name is Bill/Jill and I have a gift.
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CAST:
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(In unison and all looking at Bill/Jill) Hello, Bill/Jill.
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LEADER:
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(Encouraging) Go on Bill/Jill, you're not alone.
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BILL/JILL:
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(Starts off hesitantly but warms to his/her story. However, he/she retells his/her experience with an attitude of remorse and guilt) Well! It all started a couple of years ago. I discovered that I was really, really good at something. At first it was kind of fun. You know! I was enjoying myself. Time just seemed to slip by so quickly whenever I was doing what I was created to do. (Cast commiserates with nodding and murmuring) But, then it got so I couldn't stop using my gift. I became so happy and fulfilled that I just wanted to use my gift more and more every day. The more I used my gift, the more it seemed to grow and improve. (More murmuring with sympathy from cast) I became passionate about people and about ministry. I became an encouraging, well-rounded, inspirational person to be around. I was...oh...ah...(Almost overcome with emotion) How do I say it? I was ALIVE! It was awful. (Bill/Jill is overcome and wipes tears frantically from his/her eyes. Cast members can reach out to him/her to pat him/her and shake his/her hand in sympathy. There are sympathetic comments such as ‘It's OK! Don't fret! It'll pass, Bill/Jill!’)
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LEADER:
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(Gently) It's all right Bill/Jill, you're among friends.
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BILL/JILL:
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(Encouraged, regains some composure) Well! My wife/husband started to get really uncomfortable around me ’cos I wasn't mediocre or predictable any more. But I only realised how bad my problem had become when she/he left me yesterday. (With gloomy sadness) She/he took our kids and went home to her/his parents. That's why I'm here. (He/she sits abruptly. Cast members sitting near him/her touch him/her comfortingly)
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LEADER:
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You've taken the first step, Bill/Jill and that's the most important thing. Admitting you have a problem is 90% of the cure. Let's give Bill/Jill a round of applause, people!
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CAST:
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(Clapping and cheering. Encouraging comments) Well done, Bill/Jill! Good on ya, mate! Way to go, Bill/Jill! (etc)
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LEADER:
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(Allows the hubbub to subside and then stands) Folks, we can all relate to Bill/Jill can't we? (Cast expresses general agreement. The Leader addresses Bill/Jill in the crowd) You see, we've all been where you are, Bill/Jill. We've had gifts too, and it caused us no end of inconvenience. Some more than others! (With authority) But, we are here to help each other to remain as unuseful and as tiresomely mediocre as possible. (To the whole group) Having a gift is an overwhelming responsibility, isn't it, folks!
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CAST:
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(General agreement) Yep! Sure thing! Right on, mate! (etc)
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LEADER:
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(Becomes more impassioned and 'preachy'. Use lots of gestures to illustrate and stress points) Gifts are for those who can handle the commitment, the energy, and the time, as well as the relationships that they seem to inspire. Using a gift is for those who aren't selfish, or who don't care if they're being imposed upon. It's only for those who can enjoy the thrill of changing people's lives for the better. It is not for the majority of us who want to keep the status quo at all costs! (The crowd is murmuring enthusiastically. They are becoming excited. Leader comes out from behind the desk and stands in front of it, pacing in the style of a motivational speaker)
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Yes! Using one’s gift is (Spits the following two words out venomously) joyfully, satisfying work! And for those of us who can't tolerate large amounts of work that isn't (Says the following words with tender relish) tedious, boring or unnecessary, or the responsibility, (Very slight pause) having and using a gift will cause all sorts of damage to the id. (Taps his/her forehead on the word 'id'. Speaking more forcefully and passionately) Let's re-commit ourselves to not using our gifts. (Cast cheers and punches the air with their fists) May we never have to exercise the responsibilities of improving the lot of others, people! (Cast cheers again) Let's quash the all-pervading illusion in the Christian community that having and using a gift is somehow healthy and worthwhile. (Cast cheers) Let us move backward to the beige, nondescript destitution of soul-less mediocrity. (Cast cheers wildly. The Leader allows them to let off some steam, then says a little more quietly) Let us live selfish, useless, sordidly plain lives with no relationships other than those that serve our own purposeless existence. (Quietly, but forcefully impassioned and as if he/she can see this 'paradise' in the distance) Let us amble aimlessly on through this mortal coil. (Pause. He/she thumps the desk passionately to stress the point) This is our purpose, to quash the gifts in our selves and in others so that our lives can be left in the blissful, salubrious equanimity we un-aspire to! (Cast goes completely wild with cheering and talking amongst themselves. Backs are thumped. Hands clasped and shook. Some stand and hug emotionally. Leader gestures with hands in a pushing down motion) Folks! Folks! Calm yourselves! Calm yourselves! (The cheering subsides. Those who stood up are seated again) Yes! That's better. (Becomes business-like again) Let's close our meeting on that note. (Moves to seat behind desk again, but doesn't sit) Please recite the oath each day. And remember! (Looks severely at each member of the group. Slowly and forcefully) You have to make the choice, one day at a time, what's it gonna be? For the body, or for no body?
CAST:
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(In unison, shouts) No body!
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LEADER:
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Good! (Sits abruptly and writes a note on his/her pad) See you all next week. (All get up and chat amiably with each other as they collect their gear and move out. Bill/Jilll is escorted out by a couple of people. He/she is emotional and dabs at his/her eyes. The two have their arms around him/her and appear to be whispering to him/her. They lead him/her out. The Leader stands again and packs his/her notes into a briefcase. As he/she begins to exit, one of the cast shakes his/her hand and they leave chatting amiably)
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© Michelle Pitman 1999
Permission is given for the owner of this disk to make sufficient copies of this script for their group or congregation, for rehearsal and performance purposes only.
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