PROPS:

There are two scenes set up on either side of the stage area as detailed below. The dialogue and action switches from scene to scene

Scene 1:

Organ music in background. Family enter wife, son, daughter and sit near coffin. The deceased is lying hidden behind coffin.

Scene 2:

Heaven’s Gate 6. (Need large sign) Includes a desk covered in overflowing IN trays. Angel is dressed in golfing gear with bag and clubs and carries a mobile phone or beeper. If possible have this scene set higher than funeral scene so Ed can look down at family.

MINISTER:

(Solemnly) We are gathered here today to say farewell to our dearly departed brother, husband, father and friend. It is a sad occasion that brings us together. The tragic, sudden loss of Ed has come as a real shock. We all will remember him differently and I think it is appropriate at this stage to spend some quiet time, reflecting on the loss we have suffered. Also, on how the dearly departed has affected and enriched our lives. During this time, I would encourage you to share with us any special memories.  It is an opportunity to say our farewells, gathering support from those around us who also loved him.

ED:

(Looking around) Hello?  Hello? (Louder)  Hello!

ANGEL:

(Rushes in, leans golf bag up against table, dusts off speck of grime) Sorry, mate! Didn’t mean to keep you waiting. I got held up on the 19th. Boy, St Paul can talk! Ed, isn’t it?

ED:

(Concerned) So this is heaven? Thought it would be more spectacular than this. Thought it would be busier too. Where are the queues?

ANGEL:

You’re thinking of the main gate. Yep, they’re pretty spectacular! And yes, it gets pretty busy. St Peter’s in charge there. Runs a smooth operation. Mind you, he gets all the easy ones. (Searching through papers) Hmm, got a memo through from the main gate, should be here somewhere. So did you play golf at all, Ed?

ED:

Ah, no. (Looking more concerned)

ANGEL:

Great game. (Still looking, stops and scratches head, puzzled. Making small talk)  Heaven’s gone golf mad this last century. Even the boss is partial to the odd round. Mind you, God’s technique is a little over the top, to say the least. (Stops looking and focuses on optional story, doing the actions).  (Optional: For instance, just the other decade, God, Jesus and St Peter were playing a round. Jesus and the St Peter teed off beautifully, both landing on the green, inches from the hole. Then God teed off.  Whack! Topped it!  The ball bounced once then flew straight up in the air!  Disastrous shot!  Well, Jesus and St Peter were really pleased!  Next thing an eagle swoops out of the sky, catches the ball on its back and flies down the fairway, drops it onto the back of a rabbit that’s bounded out of the bushes. The rabbit carries the ball onto the green, up to the hole, drops its shoulder and the ball rolls in, A HOLE IN ONE!  Then Jesus says in disgust, ‘For goodness’ sake, Dad, it’s only a game!’) (Wife, son and daughter move to coffin, stand looking at coffin)

ED:

Err...What am I doing here exactly? Shouldn’t this be straightforward? Just a matter of marking my name in book or something. (Pause) If you’re worried about credentials, well, it’s not a problem. I went to church most Sundays...Usually gave my tithe. Said my prayers...

ANGEL:

No, that’s not the problem. (Finds memo) Ah - here it is! (Reads silently)  Hmm...(Very serious) Looks like we need to reconcile a few things here.  It appears you’ve left some unresolved issues. We need to clarify just what they are and decide what to do then.

ED:

What are you talking about? (Pompous) I’ve done more than my fair share, I deserve to get in! Let’s see, I was a member of the Church Council, a life member of Apex, I supported all the local charity events, member of the local football and little league clubs, and I was a scout leader for years.

ANGEL:

How did you get on with your wife?

ED:

(Confidently) I was an excellent provider! Worked two jobs when the kids were small. Provided her with everything she ever needed.

ANGEL:

Let’s see...(Points to funeral scene)

WIFE:

(Slams fist on coffin. Loud passionate voice)  Why? Why couldn’t you love me! You were so caught up in your infernal projects, you didn’t even know I existed.

Ed:

Mind you, she could nag! No matter what I did, she was never happy.

WIFE:

(Sadly) All I wanted was a chance to love you. To share my feelings.

ED:

And she was always blubbering!

WIFE:

When we were going out, we had so much fun together. I loved you for it. (Angry) But why couldn’t we have had that through all our marriage!  You cheated me!  You cheated me of years of loving! Oh, how I miss those early years together. I miss the marraige we could have had...I miss you! The real you. Not the you that scheduled your wife and family between committee meetings. All those years I tried. All those years I cried. Well, I don’t feel sad any more. In fact I hadn’t felt anything for years. In a way, it’s a relief to feel angry.

ED:

(Goes to move toward wife to comfort her. Angel restrains him.  Daughter gently leads wife back to seat) But I...(Troubled) I didn’t mean it to be like that. I didn’t know it was that bad.

ANGEL:

And your son?

ED:

I was a good father!  Raised my kids with good old-fashioned discipline.

SON:

Why wouldn’t you just listen! Any time I tried to discuss anything or, God forbid, challenge you, you’d force your authority. (‘Taking off’ father’s voice) ‘I’m the boss in this house, I pay the bills, so what I say goes!’

ED:

Fair enough, too!

SON:

Never once would you listen to my point of view. You had to win at all costs. (Loud and passionate) Well, Dad, I hope the cost was worth it. You might have won all the battles, but you lost me! (Storms out)

DAUGHTER:

(Calls out) Wait! (Starts to go after brother)

MINISTER:

(Restrains daughter) No, let him go. He needs to be alone.

ANGEL:

(To Ed) Well?

ED:

(Shakes head, confused and sad) I don’t understand...

DAUGHTER:

(Standing over coffin)  Daddy, I’m so sad.

ED:

(Hopefully) At least my little girl loved me!

DAUGHTER:

I’m not sad about you dying. Well, I am...but I’m more sad about what could have been.

ED:

(Shocked) I don’t believe this.

ANGEL:

You’d better keep watching.

DAUGHTER:

Sure I was your little girl, but you never really knew me. You had a picture of me in your head of how you wanted me to be. But you never knew me. You didn’t want to! You took all the things that made you happy and proud, like my exam results and dance trophies and you put them all up on a pedestal.

ED:

(Proudly) She was a bright kid!

DAUGHTER:

Do you know how high they looked to me! How could I ever maintain that height? You never knew the times I couldn’t cope. You didn’t like failure. So when I struggled I had no one to turn to.

ED:

(Dumbfounded) I didn’t know!

DAUGHTER:

Your love was so conditional! Yet, Daddy, I loved you so much! I thought you were the best daddy in the world. Why couldn’t you have loved me like that! Faults and all! (Angel jots a few things down on note pad)

Ed:

(To daughter) I...(Turns back to angel)  Can’t I somehow talk to her? This is so frustrating. Why let me see all this if it’s too late to do anything? (Brightens) Is that why I’m here...at Gate 6? I’m going to get another chance?

ANGEL:

(Shaking head) No. Sorry, we don’t have a return policy. It’s strictly no returns and no refunds.

ED:

(Upset) But I need to do something.

ANGEL:

What’s that?

Ed:

I need to explain...I’m not that bad...(Joe enters funeral scene)

ANGEL:

Who’s this?

ED:

(Astonished) It’s my brother Joe. We haven’t seen each other or spoken to each other in years. (Mother and daughter greet Joe)

JOE:

I’ve come to make peace.

ED:

Finally!  After all these years, he’s come to admit he was wrong! I remember that day he accused me breaking up his marriage. It was at Billy’s 21st.

JOE:

I know we haven’t spoken since that day at Sandy’s 18th, when Ed accused me of trying to break up your marriage. But I needed to come.

WIFE:

I understand.

ED:

I don’t. (Pompous) He’s got the facts all wrong. Again! Really, you’d think he’d have the decency to get it right at my funeral. No respect at all!

JOE:

It’s true when they say ‘blood’s thicker than water’. When it’s spilt, it stains! I’ve been so angry at Ed for so long, I can’t even remember why! Not clearly. It seems silly now, anyway. I think it was more his unforgiving, stubbornness that drove me mad.

ED:

(Angry) Stubborn, he calls me! Look who’s talking!

ANGEL:

Great movie.

ED:

(Confused) What?

ANGEL:

Never mind.

JOE:

When we were kids, we had some great times. We still used to fight like cats and dogs, but we got over things quickly. Mind you, I don’t think he ever forgave me for crashing and breaking his bright orange dragster bike.

ED:

I haven’t, either. It was a beaut bike. Wide, high handle bars, huge back on the seat, small super grip wheels.

JOE:

(Uncomfortable) I guess what I’m trying to say is, despite everything, he was my only brother and I...well I...loved him.

ED:

(Looks down, then points to funeral, pleads with Angel) Can’t I?

JOE:

It’s all too late I know...I only hope you can forgive me? I’m so sorry.  (Embraces wife)

ED:

I need to go back!

ANGEL:

Why?

ED:

I need to explain...I’m so sorry! (Breaks down)

WIFE:

Thank you, Joe. I’m sorry too. He had his faults, but I loved him too. I’m not sure how he would have reacted right now.

ED:

(To family, loudly and earnestly) I’m sorry!

WIFE:

He wasn’t the most forgiving man.

ED:

I know! Please know I’m sorry! I forgive you.

MINISTER:

Come on. (Leads wife and brother out)

ANGEL:

Come on, Ed. It’s time for you to move too. Welcome to heaven!

ED:

(Humbly) Thank you. (Starts to move, turns back to watch daughter)  Wait.

DAUGHTER:

(Places flower on coffin) I still love you, Daddy. (Leaves with head bowed. Ed smiles and leaves with angel)