1:

You tell him!

2:

You tell him!

1:

No, you tell him!

2:

(Pushing 1 to the front) No, you tell him!

1:

Oh, all right! (Clears throat) Er hmm...(Looking up) um...God, are you there?

GOD:

(Voice only) I’m always here. (1 and 2 jump, 2 hides behind 1)

1:

(Nervously) Right, good...ah...well, you see, we’ve been appointed...

2:

(Interrupting, coming out from behind 1) Actually we all drew straws and we lost.

1:

(Elbowing 2) We’ve been appointed on behalf of the people of today to tell you our demands.

GOD:

(Outraged) Demands! (2 hides behind 1 again)

1:

Er...requests.

2:

(Peeping out from behind 1) More like suggestions, really.

GOD:

Go on.

1:

You see, it’s the commandments. We feel that they’re a bit, well, outdated.

2:

After all, times have changed!

GOD:

What’s wrong with them?

1:

They’re too limiting.

2:

And strict.

1:

Too black and white.

2:

(Coming out from behind 1) We need some flexibility, with just a few tiny alterations...

GOD:

(With infinite patience) So what had you in mind?

1:

Well, there’s this one about keeping the Sabbath holy.

2:

Yeah, it’s my only day to sleep in!

1:

And some people have sporting commitments.

GOD:

(Tight-lipped) I see.

1:

We wanted to add the phrase ‘when it’s convenient’.

2:

You know, ‘Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy, when it’s convenient’.

GOD:

I think you’re rather missing the point...

1:

Then there’s the one about honouring your father and your mother.

2:

What if they don’t understand you?

1:

What if they’re being too tough on you?

2:

What if they embarrass you in front of your friends?

1:

We feel you should insert the word ‘mostly’.

2:

‘Mostly honour your father and mother.’

1:

Exactly! And the one about killing...

GOD:

(Can’t believe this) You have a problem with not killing?

2:

Well, the general principal is OK...

GOD:

(Sarcastically) Thank you!

1:

It’s just that it doesn’t take into account current issues like abortion or euthanasia or assisted suicide.

2:

Or irresponsible driving.

1:

We think that you should redefine the definition of killing.

GOD:

I thought it was pretty self-explanatory!

2:

And adultery!

1:

Marriage is almost obsolete these days.

2:

And everybody does it.

GOD:

(Starting to become annoyed) That doesn’t make it right!

1:

And the commandment about stealing needs some exemption clauses.

GOD:

Exemption clauses?

2:

We should be exempted if we bend the rules on our tax return...

1:

And all those big companies and corporations, after all they can afford it!

2:

And the whole coveting thing.

GOD:

What’s wrong with that?

1:

Exactly. Materialism is a way of life for us. If we stopped coveting...

2:

Advertising companies and retailers would be ruined!

1:

Millions would be unemployed!

2:

The whole of Western civilisation as we know it would crumble!

GOD:

(Losing patience) Right, that’s it!

1:

Oh, and we forgot to mention the first commandment...

GOD:

(Interrupting angrily, very loud) I am the Lord your God. I have given you these commandments for your own good. What I have written I have written! (Thunder sound FX, flickering lights, 1 and 2 look terrified)

2:

(In a quavering voice to 1) Maybe we shouldn’t tell him about our alterations to the Lord’s Prayer! (Both exit hurriedly)