DIRECTOR:

(Enters) OK everyone, let's get this show on the road! Aren't you ready yet? (Notices absence of backdrop) Where's the backdrop? (Yells down behind puppet stage) Get that backdrop up here, you've had plenty of time to get it ready! (Backdrop appears) That's better! Now where's Joseph and Mary?

MARY:

(Offstage) Coming! (Mary enters excitedly) I'm so excited, I always wanted to be Mary. Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou! (Tries to hug him)

DIRECTOR:

(Backs away) Alright, alright! That's enough! (Joseph  enters, a puppet who is definitely not tall, dark and handsome) Who are you?

JOSEPH:

(Proudly) I'm Joseph.

DIRECTOR:

But I wanted someone tall, dark and handsome! (Joseph looks sad, director sighs) Oh well, I suppose you'll have to do! (Joseph brightens up) Did we get a donkey?

JOSEPH:

We could only find this. (A totally inappropriate animal enters, eg a giraffe or lion or teddy bear)

DIRECTOR:

That is not a donkey! It doesn't even look vaguely like a donkey!

JOSEPH:

Maybe it could pretend to hee-haw or something?

DIRECTOR:

Get rid of it! We'll just have to make do without a donkey. (Animal exits, Joseph gets into position beside Mary, director calls down behind stage) Shepherds! We need some shepherds. (Two shepherds enter and get into position) And where are your sheep? You're shepherds; you need sheep! (Shepherds whistle and sheep enter baaing) That's better! Now the angel. Where's the angel? This thing needs a bit of sparkle and glitz. (Angel appears gets into position. Sheep are still baaing) Could you please keep those sheep quiet! I can't hear myself think!

SHEPHERDS:

(To sheep) Shhhhh! (Sheep quieten)

PERSON:

(Entering) What  on earth is going on here?

DIRECTOR:

I'm doing a publicity photo for my Christmas advertising campaign. OK, everyone into position. (All look like they're posing for a photo around an empty manger)

PERSON:

A Christmas advertising campaign?

DIRECTOR:

Yes, I'm going to tell everyone they should be getting ready for Jesus. That he's the most important thing about Christmas, not all the other stuff, like decorations and presents and parties.

PERSON:

So you think Jesus needs some promotion?

DIRECTOR:

Yes! He's much more important than Father Christmas, who seems to get all the hype. Father Christmas isn't even good enough to tie up his sandals!

PERSON:

So you're going to give Jesus some advertising hype?

DIRECTOR:

Exactly. I can just see the slogan now. 'Repent. Jesus is coming!' It'll be on every billboard and TV station. 'Repent. Jesus is coming!'

PERSON:

What do you mean by 'repent'?

DIRECTOR:

You know, be nice to each other instead of nasty. Doing good stuff for a change and helping others. Sharing what we've got and being honest. That sort of thing.

PERSON:

Sounds great. Wouldn't it be wonderful if everybody did that!

DIRECTOR:

(Grabs camera) OK, now everyone smile.

PERSON:

But haven't your forgotten something?

DIRECTOR:

What? I've got Mary and Joseph, the shepherds and some sheep, the angel . . . Oh no! You're right! The wise men! I forgot the wise men!

PERSON:

No, not the wise men. (Indicates empty manger) Where's the baby? You haven't got a baby Jesus.

DIRECTOR:

That's because he's still coming, and only God can provide the baby.

PERSON:

Hey, you're right.

DIRECTOR:

OK, everybody ready, smile and say 'repent'. (Takes photo with flash, everyone exits)