LEADER:

(Clears throat) Err . . . hem (Reads loudly) Disciples of Jesus, do you promise to follow the Lord?

ALL:

(Standing up in audience) Yes.

LEADER:

Do you promise to keep his commands?

ALL:

Yes!

LEADER:

Do you promise to obey his teaching?

ALL:

Yes, absolutely!

LEADER:

With all your heart, soul and mind?

ALL

Yes!!

1:

(Interrupting from audience) Hang on a minute, what was that first one again?

LEADER:

(Surprised, consults book) Um . . . Do you promise to follow the Lord?

1:

Yes, that's the one. Follow . . . What exactly do you mean by 'follow'? Do you mean when I've got the time? Or when I can, time permitting? Do you mean like all of the time, some of the time, or just Sundays?

LEADER:

I think it means all the time.

1

(Leaves seat saying appropriate 'Excuse me's'as he/she walks past people in row and goes to front, leaving diary behind. Others that are standing sit down during this) How about if I followed from a distance? (Spreads arms apart) Like a really, really big distance?

LEADER:

(Shaking head) That won't work.

1:

Well then, I've got a bit of a problem there. What about the second one then? Something about demands, remands . . .

LEADER:

(Looking at book) You mean keeping his commands.

1:

Yes, that's it! . . . I was wondering . . . How flexible is that? Is there room for negotiation, adaptation, adjustment, the ebb and flow of discussion and compromise, that sort of thing?

LEADER:

(Shaking head disbelievingly) No, I don't think so.

1:

Ah, right . . . best we move on then. (Cheerily) Third time lucky.

LEADER:

(Looking at book) Do you promise to obey his teaching?

1:

Ah yes . . . In principle I've got no problem with that. As far as obeying goes I can handle that . . . as long as it's not too hard. And then there's the matter of when. Hang on a minute. (Goes back to seat, gets diary (or asks someone to pass it to him/her), walks back to front, opens it up and flips through it) How's Thursday week for you? It's good for me. I could get in a good bit of obeying that day, particularly between 3 and 4. I could squeeze in a very intensive session of obeying then.

LEADER:

I think he wants you to obey his teaching every day.

1:

Are you serious! That's a bit unreasonable, isn't it?

LEADER:

He wants you to do it because you love him.

1:

Well, that's a lot to ask! He never consulted me about all this!

LEADER:

Look, it's not about you, it's about him. He's done everything for you. If you love him, this is how you should respond to him.

1:

Oh, so it's a response, is it? Kind of like an optional extra. Look, let me get back to you on that. (Exits)

LEADER:

But, but, but . . . (Sighs, shakes head, closes book and walks off sadly)