REPORTER:

Ladies and gentlemen, today I'm reporting to you live from the river Jordan where John the Baptist continues to preach about the coming Messiah, the Christ. However, rumours are rife that today the promised one has actually appeared and been baptised by John. With me are two people who were witnesses of this event. And so without further ado we focus our attention on a Mr Jeremiah Wheatley, a farmer from Judea. (Turns to Jeremiah) Mr Wheatley, what exactly happened today?

JEREMIAH:

Well, I was standing listening to John the Baptist. I tell you he was a pretty entertaining speaker, quite a weirdo, actually! Anyway, next minute he grabs my winnowing fork. (Brandishes fork)

REPORTER:

Your winnowing fork?

JEREMIAH:

Yeah, I'd been out in the field, you see, but then the wife said that John was heading down to the river, so off I went. Didn't have time to drop tools!

REPORTER:

And why did he grab your winnowing fork?

JEREMIAH:

Well, I was a bit agro at first, I mean it's my best winnowing fork, but then he started using it while he was talking.

REPORTER:

Using it?

JEREMIAH:

Yeah, demonstrating how it works. I tell you, I didn't need no demonstration! I use this thing every harvest.

REPORTER:

What exactly do you use a winnowing fork for?

JEREMIAH:

(Demonstrating by using his winnowing fork and almost injuring the reporter who has to duck) Well, you see, you toss the threshed grain into the air with the fork and the wind blows away the lighter chaff while the grain drops back onto the ground. It's all in the wrist action.

REPORTER:

(Grabbing winnowing fork) I see. (Hands fork back to Jeremiah) So what did John mean by his demonstration?

JEREMIAH:

Well, the chaff's no good, you see, and we often burn it. The wheat, on the other hand, is the good stuff that we store in the barn. I reckon John was referring to people, you know, the good ones and the bad ones. He reckoned that Christ would sort 'em out. (Starts waving his winnowing fork)

REPORTER:

I see. (Grabs winnowing fork again) Thank you, Mr Wheatley. (Turns to audience) And now we have a Mrs Ruth Loveitt. (Turns to Ruth waiting on other side) Mrs Loveitt, what exactly happened today?

RUTH:

Well, I was listening to John the Baptist too. I'd heard him a number of times and I decided that I'd get baptised as well. We all just flocked to the river. There were so many of us wanting to get done. Oh, it was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping and we all felt really close to God. (Meaningful look) Little did I know how close at the time!

REPORTER:

What do you mean?

JEREMIAH:

(Interrupting) So you don't want to ask me any more questions about winnowing then?

RUTH:

Well, I'd just gone under and I came up out of the water and then I heard this voice booming from heaven.

JEREMIAH:

Are you sure? 'Cos I know all there is to know about winnowing.

REPORTER:

(Through gritted teeth) Yes, I'm sure! (To Ruth) You heard a voice from heaven?

RUTH:

Yes, it was God himself.

REPORTER:

God?

RUTH:

Yes. God was saying . . .

JEREMIAH:

Could I have my winnowing fork back then?

RUTH:

(Glaring at Jeremiah) . . . God was saying that his Son was there.

JEREMIAH:

It's just that it's my best fork…

REPORTER:

Here, take it! (Shoves fork at Jeremiah, who takes it, goes to leave, but then gets interested in what they are saying and sidles back) Did he mean that John the Baptist was the Son of God?

RUTH:

No, the funny thing was that there was a dove resting right over the man next to me. Don't know who he was.

REPORTER:

Do you think, perhaps, he might have been the Son of God?

RUTH:

I don't know, he didn't say much at the time but his face sure shone when that dove descended on him. Maybe he was. Some of the other people followed him when he left.

JEREMIAH:

(Butting in) You know, if he is the Christ, he's going to need a good winnowing fork. Maybe . . . (Starts wielding winnowing fork again, others duck) I could teach him a thing or two about winnowing. Did I tell you it's all in the wrist action?

REPORTER:

(Rolling eyes) Yes, Mr Wheatley.

JEREMIAH:

So which way did he go? (Ruth points) Thanks!

REPORTER:

(Meaningfully) Thank you, Mrs Loveitt. (Turns to audience) Well, folks, there you have it. It's a strange story, but is it true? Has the Messiah, the Christ, finally come? Will he need a good winnowing fork? Stay tuned for further up-dates.