DRAMA - THIRD SUNDAY AFTER EPIPHANY, YEAR C
Bible reference: 1 Corinthians 12:12-26
THE KITCHEN HAND
CHARACTERS: Narrator, Director (optional sundry people fussing over him), Assistant
PROPS: $5.00 note, director's chair, clipboard, movie paraphernalia if desired
(Director and Assistant enter and take up positions)
DIRECTOR:
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(Shouting off stage) Ready? (Taking command) OK, people. Scene 25, take 44, act . . .
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ASSISTANT: (Interrupting) Ah . . . Sir!
DIRECTOR: (Rolling eyes) What now?
ASSISTANT: The kitchen hand is on strike!
DIRECTOR: What for?
ASSISTANT: Ah . . . He says we don't buy good quality detergent!
DIRECTOR: (Yelling) What does he think, are we made of money?
ASSISTANT: (Consulting clipboard) Ah . . . 400 million, Sir.
DIRECTOR:
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(Still yelling) Then why the heck doesn't someone else wash the dishes?
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ASSISTANT:
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They all have their own jobs to do, Sir!
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DIRECTOR:
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OK… (Dismissing the issue) So the dishes can wait. (Shouting off stage) Ready? Scene . . .
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ASSISTANT:
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(Nervously interrupting again) Ah . . . Sir!
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DIRECTOR:
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(Frustrated) What is it now?
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ASSISTANT:
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You said that yesterday and the day before that and the day before that and . . .
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DIRECTOR: (Impatient) Get to the point, Wilson!
ASSISTANT:
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The name's Len, (Or other appropriate name) Sir. It means that we've run out of dishes and . . . and . . .
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DIRECTOR: (Tight lipped) And?
ASSISTANT: (Cringing in anticipation) Lunch has been cancelled today, Sir.
DIRECTOR: (Yelling) What! Where are the cooks?
ASSISTANT: Ah . . . They're on strike . . .
DIRECTOR: (Still yelling) What for?
ASSISTANT: They won't cook without clean dishes!
DIRECTOR: (Yelling in Assistant's ear) Then get them some!
ASSISTANT: (Really nervous) I . . . er . . . can't, Sir.
DIRECTOR: Why?
ASSISTANT: The kitchen hand is on strike!
DIRECTOR: (Yelling) Then go out and buy more dishes!
ASSISTANT: I can't, Sir! The petty cash officer is on strike!
DIRECTOR: (Can't believe this) Why?
ASSISTANT:
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She says she won't do any more receipts until she gets some food in her belly. She suffers from low blood sugar, Sir, and gets light-headed then feels all dizzy and disorientated and . . .
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DIRECTOR: (Yelling) Then get her some food, for goodness' sake!
ASSISTANT: I can't, Sir . . . The cooks are on strike!
DIRECTOR: (Really frustrated) Then get the guy on camera one to shout her a meal!
ASSISTANT: Ah . . . He's on strike too, Sir . . .
DIRECTOR: (Losing it) Aaaaggghhh! I don't know if I want to hear this!
ASSISTANT:
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He spent all his own money buying rolls of film this morning and hasn't been reimbursed by the petty cash officer. He's also hungry!
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DIRECTOR: And the lead actor won't help, I suppose . . .
ASSISTANT:
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(Launching into it) Well, he's on strike too. You see, he loaned his coat to the girl on camera two who then loaned it to the guy on camera one in exchange for a role of film. He's given it to the gaffer who can't get it dry cleaned until the dry cleaners are paid by the accounts department and they're on strike because they haven't received any receipts from the petty cash officer and (Petering out . . . well . . . you know about her . . .
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DIRECTOR: (Banging head against clipboard) How did all this start? (In despair) What did I do wrong, Winslow?
ASSISTANT: It's Len, Sir!
DIRECTOR:
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(Desperately, grabbing the Assistant by the lapels) Look! I need you to fix this. If things go on like this I'll never get this picture made! Do something, Lon! I neeeeed you to do something!
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ASSISTANT:
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Yes, Sir. (Removing Director's hands) It's Len, Sir. (Hesitantly) Ah . . . Could I borrow $5.00 dollars for some Morning Fresh Ultra, please Sir!
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DIRECTOR:
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(Groans as he reaches for his wallet) Dishwashing detergent? This was all about dishwashing detergent?
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ASSISTANT:
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(Taking $5) Oh . . . and Sir! I'll tell the kitchen hand how much you really appreciate him. (Exits with money, Director shakes head and follows)
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©Michelle Pitman 1998
Permission is given for the owner of this disk to make sufficient copies of this script for their group or congregation, for rehearsal and performance purposes only.
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