MIKE:

(Facing congregation) Welcome, viewers, to tonight's special program where we will be looking at a remarkable human-interest story. Tonight we will be talking to Andrew, who has recently left his position in one of this country's largest cheese-making firms. (Turns to Andrew) Hello, Andrew.

ANDREW:

Hello, Mike.

MIKE:

So tell me, Andrew, how did you enjoy your work with your previous employer?

ANDREW:

(Is getting dressed in costume as they are speaking) Well, yes, Mike, to a certain extent I did, you know. It was the only thing I'd ever done in my life, I mean, I didn't know anything else. My father was a cheese-maker, and my father's father was a cheese-maker. One could say it was sort of in the family.

MIKE:

Yes, Andrew, one certainly could say that. I understand that just before you left the cheese-making business, you made a significant discovery that has had dramatic consequences for your old firm.

ANDREW:

That's right, Mike. We altered the method we used to produce one of our cheeses. This new cheese has proved to be immensely popular and our takings have increased markedly.

MIKE:

How did you know that these changes would work?

ANDREW:

(Shrugs) I didn't.

MIKE:

Why did you do it, then?

ANDREW:

Some guy I met in the pub said that I should.

MIKE:

And you believed him?

ANDREW:

No, I didn't really, to tell you the truth.

MIKE:

So why on earth did you go and do it?

ANDREW:

(Shrugs) I dunno, he said to, so I did.

MIKE:

And now, am I right, you have left your flourishing career as a cheese-maker and become a, a . . . what?

ANDREW:

(Proudly) I am the mascot for the Port Jackson Reds. (Or other local team) It's challenging and quite hard work sometimes. People throw beer cans and things at you all the time, but I believe in it now, I mean, I didn't at first, but I do now.

MIKE:

(Looking at the now dressed-up Andrew) Let me see, you're Mr Red? (Or other mascot name)

ANDREW:

(Looking very proud) That's right! How did you know?

MIKE:

Oh, just a wild guess . . . Dare I ask, why?

ANDREW:

Well, this same guy from the pub said I should. He was running a live-in course in how to be a club mascot. And he said that I should join him. He was right about the cheese, so I thought, why not? And you know what the funny thing is?

MIKE:

(Looking as if he could name any of about five) Surprise me!

ANDREW:

I don't even like football!

MIKE:

(Turning to the audience again) Well, there you have it, viewers. A successful cheese-maker blessed with a fail-safe recipe leaves his blossoming career to become the club mascot for a game he doesn't even like and all because some random guy he hardly knew, whose advice he didn't believe would work, said he should. This reporter, for one, has found this an astounding tale. (Looks disbelievingly around at a beaming Andrew.) This is Mike Thomas signing off with tonight's touching story from Port Jackson. (Or local name) (Andrew continues beaming at the audience and does some silly pranks worthy of a team mascot, then bounds out followed by an amazed Mike.)