Drama - Year C - Pentecost 05 (Proper 09)

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Drama - Year C - Pentecost 05 (Proper 09)

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DRAMA - PROPER 9, YEAR C

Bible reference: Luke 10:2,3

(5 Pentecost, 8 July 2001)

 

THE CASE OF THE MISSING GOD

 

CHARACTERS: Holmes and Watson (Dressed in traditional outfits, with British accents if possible), person in audience

 

PROPS: Pipe for Holmes, magnifying glass and torch for Watson, chair

 

(There is a chair stage centre. Holmes enters and looks about impatiently)

 

HOLMES:

Watson, Watson, where are you? The game's afoot.

 

WATSON:

(Entering) Have we got another case, Holmes?

 

HOLMES:

Yes, this case will really test my wits, Watson. We are looking for (Dramatically) God!

 

WATSON:

God? What, is he lost?

 

HOLMES:

No, you blithering idiot. He's around here somewhere. We just have to find him. (Getting excited) This will be the pinnacle of my career. Imagine it, Watson, when I can show the world . . . (Dramatically) God!

 

WATSON:

(Getting carried away) We can take him on tour. I'm sure we could make a fortune in Vegas. You could even write a book about him . . .

 

HOLMES:

(Interrupting, rolling eyes) I believe it's already been done, Watson. It's called the Bible!

 

WATSON:

Oh, yes. Right. So where do we start?

 

HOLMES:

I think we need to start with the church. We need to interview some church people. They're supposed to know God. They must be hiding God somewhere. That's why we're here.

 

WATSON:

(Peering around at audience) Well, this looks like a likely place to start, Holmes. These people definitely look guilty about something.

 

HOLMES:

(Also peering and pointing) Yes, that one's eyes are too close together, and that one . . . I deduce that one obviously stayed up far too late last night.

 

WATSON:

Right, let's get started then. (Gets out magnifying glass, starts looking under seats, behind people, in bags etc)

 

HOLMES:

(Tapping foot impatiently) Watson, what are you doing?

 

WATSON:

I'm looking for God.

 

HOLMES:

(Crossly) You can't find him there. It's not as though you could stuff God under a chair or into a bag. He's much bigger than that, you idiot! No, no, no, no, we need to interview one of these so-called Christians.

 

WATSON:

Right, (Picks person out of audience) you, you're coming with me. (Grabs person's arm and twists it behind his/her back. Manhandles person roughly onto a chair on stage area and shines torch in person's face) We have vays of making you talk!

 

HOLMES:

(Shaking head) Watson, Watson, Watson, we are British. This is not Hollywood. We do not interrogate it this rough and brutish way. Now go and get him/her a cup of tea, and be jolly about it. (Watson reluctantly puts away torch and exits pouting)

 

      Very well, now that my over-enthusiastic little assistant has got your attention, there are a few questions I would like to ask you.

 

WATSON:

(Re-enters, interrupting) Er...I'm back. (Addressing person) Would you like Earl Grey or English Breakfast?

 

PERSON:

What?

 

WATSON:

For your cup of tea. Would you like Earl Grey of English Breakfast?

 

PERSON:

I don't want a cup of tea, thank you very much.

 

WATSON:

A bikky?

 

HOLMES:

(Through gritted teeth) Watson! Be quiet!

 

WATSON:

I was just trying to be helpful.

 

HOLMES:

(Still cross) This is not turning out to be much of an interrogation, is it, Watson?

 

WATSON:

Then can I ask the first question?

 

HOLMES:

(Snapping) Very well, be my guest.

 

WATSON:

(Grabs person by lapels lifting them out of seat and says loudly and roughly) Do you know God?

 

HOLMES:

Watson, put him/her down.

 

WATSON:

Oh, right, (Let's person drop back down, adopts polite British manner) Do you know God?

 

PERSON:

What do you mean, know God?

 

WATSON:

What do mean, 'What do you mean, know God?'

 

PERSON:

Well, do you mean, do I know facts about him, or do I know him closely or intimately?

 

WATSON:

(Confused) Um . . . I don't know. Er . . . Sherlock, I think you'd better take over.

 

HOLMES:

(Rolling eyes) Do you know God intimately?

 

PERSON:

Yes.

 

WATSON:

Ah ha!

 

HOLMES :

Do you know where he is?

 

PERSON:

Yes.

 

WATSON:

Ah ha!

 

HOLMES:

Watson, must you keep going 'Ah ha!' We're British, we do not go, (Mimicking Watson) 'Ah ha!' A restrained 'By Jove!' should be quite sufficient. (To person) So, where is God?

 

WATSON:

(Chipping in) Yes, where are you hiding him?

 

PERSON:

We're not hiding him. He lives in us, inside each one of us through his Spirit.

 

WATSON:

(Surprised) What?

 

HOLMES:

(Pacing as he talks) So let me get the facts straight. God the creator and maker of the universe, lives in (Disbelief) you and in these (Indicates audience) rather ordinary-looking people here.

 

PERSON:

Yes.

 

HOLMES:

And just how did this amazing and seemingly impossible phenomenon occur?

 

PERSON:

I believe in Jesus, God's Son, as my Lord and Saviour. We all do. And God came into our lives.

 

HOLMES:

So you're telling me that anyone can know God. All they have to do is believe in Jesus?

 

PERSON:

That's right!

 

HOLMES:

Then why aren't you out there telling people, telling the world about this?!

 

WATSON:

Why are you keeping so quiet about it? Is it some kind of conspiracy?

 

PERSON:

(Stands) No! It's just that it's not easy telling people about it. It's hard finding exactly the right words, and the right time to speak, and it could be embarrassing, people might laugh or think you're strange, and it's not really my gift anyway, and I haven't had any training. I don't know enough, and I get scared, and . . . (Continues on listing off as he/she wanders off)

 

HOLMES:

Well, Watson, it seems I was right. It appears that Christians are hiding God, even if not deliberately. It's not our fault the world doesn't know God, (Indicates audience) it's theirs. The case is closed.

 

WATSON:

(Admiringly) I don't know how you do it, Holmes!

 

HOLMES:

Elementary, my dear Watson, elementary! (Both exit)

 

 

© 2000 Reality! Drama Team

 

Permission is given for the owner of this disk to make sufficient copies of this script for their group or congregation, for rehearsal and performance purposes only.