1:

Good morning/afternoon/evening, how may I help you?

2:

(Nervously) Well, um . . . We've heard all about this carrying crosses thingo, and, well, we've come here to get one.

3:

Do you have something in beige?

1:

We don't . . .

2:

(Interrupting and turning on 3) Beige? As if you want beige! That's not going to suit you. You need something in blue to bring out the (Indicating 3's eyes) colour of your eyes. Nobody wears beige these days!

1:

Actually we don't . . .

3:

(Turning to 1) Then how about something padded, so that it doesn't rub or chaff my sensitive skin? And I'm allergic to synthetics.

2:

I want something that's collapsable and foldable (Demonstrating) so that it fits into my pocket. I wouldn't want to be seen dragging it around!

1:

Look, you can't . . .

3:

(To 2) Don't be stupid! They wouldn't make one that small. (Thoughtfully) Maybe they have something that fits in a back-pack.

2 & 3:

(Both turning on 1) Well?

1:

No.

2:

Car boot size?

1:

(Shakes head) No.

3:

Well, do you have it in another shape?

2:

Yeah, like a circle. Then it could double as a hula hoop. (Demonstrates using a hula hoop, while 1 looks on in amazement)

3:

(Both turn on 1 and during next 6 lines they back 1 up against the counter) How about a hexagon?

2:

Octagon?

3:

Decagon?

2:

Dodecagon

3:

Hexadodecagon?

2:

Decadohexadodecagon?

1:

(Losing patience with them) NO! It's a cross! It's not foldable, retractable, padded, alternatively coloured or shaped. It's not a fashion accessory. It's a commitment!

2 & 3:

(Look at each other doubtfully, then turn to 1) Well . . . could we see one?

1:

Very well. (Drags out cross from behind counter) Here it is!

2:

(Looking at it) It's just wood.

3:

(Touching it) And it's got splinters!

2:

(Pointing) And nail holes!

3:

It's dirty, and (Horrified) it's got blood on it!

2:

Its been used. What are you, some sort of sicko?

1:

So, are you taking it? (Gives cross to them. 2 and 3 collapse under its weight)

3:

But it so heavy!

2:

We'll never be able to carry it!

3:

Yeah, how do you expect us to carry that load by ourselves?

1:

I don't. You'll have help. (Whistles off stage. Person dressed in red, red cape, wearing label 'Spirit power' enters and helps them carry cross) That's the Spirit! (All exit)