Drama - Year C - Pentecost 23 (Proper 27)

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Drama - Year C - Pentecost 23 (Proper 27)

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DRAMA - PROPER 27, YEAR C

Bible reference: 2 Thessalonians 2:15

(23 Pentecost, 11 Nov 2001)

 

A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO BRAIN SURGERY

 

CHARACTERS: Doctor dressed in obviously dirty clothes, nurse dressed in operating gear and patient in hospital gown

 

PROPS: Table, white sheet, tray of assorted 'surgical' instruments, manual

 

(There is an operating table on which a patient is lying covered with a sheet. A nurse enters in full operating gear with a tray full of surgical instruments)

 

DOCTOR:

(Enters) OK, nurse, let's get started on this brain surgery.

 

NURSE:

(Shocked) Aren't you going to scrub?

 

DOCTOR:

(Looking around at floor) No, the floor looks clean enough to me.

 

NURSE:

(Can't believe this) But doctor, you're not sterile!

 

DOCTOR:

That's right, I've got four kids!

 

NURSE:

But the manual clearly states . . .

 

DOCTOR:

(Interrupting) I don't need the manual, nurse, I've been a doctor for years. Now where's this brain? (Goes to foot end of patient)

 

NURSE:

(Rolling eyes) Other end, doctor.

 

DOCTOR:

Right, I knew that! (Goes to head end of patient and Pulls back sheet, points to tray and holds out hand) Now pass me that sharp thingy. (Nurse passes doctor a scalpel) That's not a sharp thingy! (Picks up a large sharp knife) Now this is a sharp thingy! (Patient looks worriedly at audience)

 

NURSE:

(Worried) Doctor, have you ever done brain surgery before?

 

DOCTOR:

(Looking slightly uncomfortable) Not . . . exactly . . . not absolutely . . . not fully in the in the sense of actually having any hands-on experience . . . (Finishes strongly) But I have seen it done by the best. ER's very realistic these days!

 

NURSE:

But you can't just watch someone else do it; you have to do it yourself! And first you have to study the manual. (Hands manual to doctor)

 

DOCTOR:

(Shoving manual back at nurse) I don't need the manual! I attend lectures on brain surgery once a week, and I get together with a group of friends to talk about brain surgery every fortnight. Anyway, I'm far too busy to read the manual, I have to improve my handicap. (Takes a golf swing with the sharp thingy)

 

NURSE:

(Ducks as doctor swings sharp thingy, then takes it off him) Let me just put that back on the tray. Doctor, you have to read the manual. (Waves manual at him)

 

DOCTOR:

(Searching for excuses) But it's got all those big words and medical terms, and two-thirds of it is all about the history of surgery!

 

NURSE:

You still need to read it!

 

DOCTOR:

Once I started from the beginning and got bogged down in all those begats, you know, a germ begat a viral infection begat an infectious disease begat an epidemic begat a plague, and then there's all those laws! All those medical thou shalts and thou shalt nots . . . there were lots of them!

 

NURSE:

But doctor . . .

 

DOCTOR:

(Interrupting angrily) Look, I haven't studied the manual, but I'm sure I know enough to get by! I am a doctor! (Points) Now hand me that chainsaw.

 

PATIENT:

(Sitting up, shocked) Chainsaw! That's it I'm out of here! (Gets off table with sheet and runs out)

 

NURSE:

(To doctor) I suppose you haven't studied the chapter on anaesthetics either! (Exits, shaking head)

 

DOCTOR:

(Following nurse out) There's a chapter on anaesthetics? (Exit)

 

 

© Our Saviour Drama Team 2000

 

Permission is given for the owner of this disk to make sufficient copies of this script for their group or congregation, for rehearsal and performance purposes only.