SARGE:

(Yells—he yells everything he says) Attention! Soldiers move your stinking butts into line! (Brown smartly stands upright with chest out and salutes. Others stand but Tapper is still eating apple and Klingon is scratching his head under hat) Need I remind you yet again, Corporal Klingon, that the silly hat you are wearing is not regulation uniform? If you do not remove it immediately you will be cleaning the underside of my car with a toothbrush for the next two weeks! (Klingon does so reluctantly. Sarge moves down the line to Tapper and speaks in an initially civil manner) Furthermore, let me bring it to your attention yet again, that I, Corporal Tapper, am your superior officer. As such (Shouting loudly in his face), you will salute me! Understood?

TAPPER:

Yes. (Salutes lethargically, Klingon salutes too)

SARGE:

(Menacingly) What did you say?

TAPPER:

(Throws away apple and stands at attention) Yes sir, sergeant sir.

SARGE:

(Moves on to Brown) And you! Have you completed your weekly duties yet?

BROWN:

Yes sir!

SARGE:

Even the overflowing toilets in block G?

BROWN:

Yes sir!

SARGE:

(Growls, obviously annoyed by his competence) Well, Corporal Brown, aren't you a model soldier. (Shouts) At ease! Today is Commandment Inspection. (Tapper and Klingon both groan) Because you (In Brown's face) are so spick and span, and clean and perfect, you shall answer first.        What is the first commandment?

BROWN:

You are my Commanding Officer, I shall have no other Commanding Officer but you.

SARGE:

Not the army regulations, you dolt! (Brown looks confused. To Tapper)... Tapper, the second commandment!

TAPPER:

Ummm...(Looks at cheat notes on hand) Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain, even when thou droppest a really heavy object on thy toe.

SARGE:

Hmmm (To Klingon), Klingon, the third!

KLINGON:

Thou canst sleep in on Sunday morning?

SARGE:

If you don't take this seriously, your future in this army shall be seriously jeopardised!...(To Brown) Now, Brown... the fourth commandment?

BROWN:

(Confused look for a while, then with an air of false confidence) Thou shalt always look straight ahead and thou shalt not wipe the spittle from thy face, no matter what, sir? (Salutes)

SARGE:

What is wrong with you, man? Klingon! The sixth!

KLINGON:

What about the fifth?

SARGE:

Army regulations: Ignore the fifth commandment. Do not, soldier, argue with a superior officer! Now the sixth commandment!

KLINGON:

Thou shalt not commit adultery.

TAPPER:

(Surprised) I am impressed.

KLINGON:

My wife reminds me of that one in her letters.

SARGE:

Tapper, since you are so keen to be in on the action, the seventh commandment!

TAPPER:

(Trying to think) Thou shalt... thou shalt (Klingon leans over and whispers in his ear)... Thou shalt not kneel. (Klingon looks appalled)

SARGE:

What?

TAPPER:

Thou shalt not kneel.

KLINGON:

(Helping out) I think he means steal, sir...

SARGE:

(Rolls eyes) Can you handle another one, Brown? The eighth?

BROWN:

(Desperately knowing that what he will say is wrong) Thou shalt wear ugly clothes and thy individual personality shall be surrendered for the greater whole, sir? (Slouched, head hung)

SARGE:

You are falling apart, soldier! It's pitiful to see. OK, the last two... anyone?

KLINGON:

(Excited) Oh, I know this, my wife reminds me of it too. Thou shalt not lust after thy neighbour's maidservant.

SARGE:

(Can't believe this, shouts) Stand to attention, soldiers! Your conduct is pitiful! It's beneath contempt! You would most certainly fail any test. If I had my way I would send you out into battle to be slaughtered like the cattle you are! It's just as well the General went over and surrendered himself to the other side for you, otherwise that's just where you would be. And Brown?

BROWN:

Sir?

SARGE:

Nobody's perfect. (Laughs) Now, in formation... Left, right, left, right... (Sergeant marches out and the rest follow him in line)