1:

OK. Have we got everything?

2:

(Goes through checklist) Boat?

1:

Check.

2:

Umbrellas?

1:

(Checks to make sure) Check.

2:

Bibles?

1:

(Holding one up) Check.

2:

Fish fingers?

1:

Check. What about cats?

2:

I couldn't get them in the boat.

1:

(Crossing them off checklist) Hmm. So no cats in the New World?

2:

I guess not.

1:

So what animals have we got?

2:

Puppies, mice, rabbits, baby chicks . . . (Peters out)

1:

And?

2:

That's it.

1:

(Shocked) What!

2:

(Trying to justify him/herself) Well, it's hard finding small, agreeable animals. Some people don't even like mice. And of course insects are right out.

1:

Yeah, rotten flies. Anyway, today's the day, we have to cut our losses. (Enter 3 walking up aisle) Oh my God, she's walking on water!

2:

(Rolling eyes) No, that's the floor.

1:

Oh right, I knew that.

3:

Hi guys, what are you doing?

2:

Just getting ready for the Flood.

3:

What flood? The forecast didn't say anything about floods.

1:

(Patiently explaining) No, not floods, a Flood, with a capital F.

2:

A biblical flood.

3:

(Realising) Ohhh . . . wasn't there some sort of promise about that?

1:

You mean, 'I promise to send another flood'?

3:

No, God promised not to send one.

2:

But that was before all the heathens showed up.

1:

And the politicians.

2:

And the pagans.

1:

And the celebrities.

2:

And . . .

3:

(Cutting in) So there's really going to be another flood?

1 & 2:

Yeah, yup.

1:

With a capital F.

2:

We've been getting everything ready, wet weather gear, provisions, animals for the New World.

3:

Can I come too? (1 and 2 look at each other in shock)

1:

I don't think so.

3:

(Looking in basket) Well, there's more room in there, especially if you chuck some of the animals. Couldn't you sort of shove over?

1 & 2:

No, no way.

3:

Why not?

2:

We sowed the seed.

1:

Yeah, we were out there every day telling people the good news.

2:

Did anyone listen?

1:

No!

2:

Did anyone come to our services?

1:

No! (Starts to rain, they all glance up, palms out, 1 and 2 get umbrellas ready)

3:

I was busy . . .

2:

(Continuing the rant) You could've come along at any time, now you're too late.

1:

You forgot to bring the spare oil. You're rocky ground. You coveted, I saw you.

2:

You missed the boat, baby.

3:

What about forgiveness of sin and all that?

1 & 2:

(Magnanimously) We forgive you.

2:

But it's not up to us.

1:

Look, the Bible's very clear about your position, and what it says is . . . you're sunk. (1 and 2 start to sing 'A Mighty Fortress' or other hymn with umbrellas up while 3 looks distressed)

3:

(Surprised) Hey, it's stopping!

1:

(Surprised) That can't be right.

3:

(Happily) The sun's out and everything.

2:

(Looking at 1) That was never 40 days and nights.

3:

I guess God's putting up with us for a while longer. (Exits)

1:

Darn!

2:

I suppose we have to go out and evangelise again.

1:

(Unhappily) Yeah. (1 and 2 stomp out of basket, pick it up and exit)